Monday, June 5, 2017

10 Books for Slytherins


As I've mentioned many times on this blog, I'm a bit of a "Harry Potter" fan.

I am also a Slytherin.

*THUNDER AND LIGHTNING CRASH*


No, we're not all blood supremacists and rabid Draco Malfoy fangirls. (Okay, so a lot of us are rabid Draco Malfoy fangirls.) Being a Slytherin is about passion, ambition, and cunning -- none of which are inherently bad traits! Frankly, we get a bad rep. We Slytherins are a clever bunch, and I doubt I'm the only one in the bookish community. So, I've compiled a list of ten books I recommend for Slytherins! If you're a Slytherin, give them a read -- or, even if you're not, maybe read them along with the Slytherin in your life.

1. Ruthless - Carolyn Lee Adams


A survival horror novel that's fast-paced and haunting, "Ruthless" follows a tough, no-nonsense girl as she fights her way through the wilderness to escape from the serial killer that's kidnapped her. With its competitive, aggressive heroine and high stakes, this novel is perfect for getting your blood pumping. 

2. Kill the Boy Band - Goldy Moldavsky



This is a dark comedy about a quartet of fangirls who accidentally kidnap a member of their favorite boyband, and must deal with the fallout. Equal parts thriller and biting satire of fan culture, this novel has just enough cynicism mixed with humor to appeal to any Slytherin.

3. How to Get Suspended and Influence People - Adam Selzer



Smart, lazy middle schooler Leon Harris is tasked with making an educational film for his "gifted pool" class project. When he sees that "sex ed" is an option, he jumps on it. This causes a chain reaction of events that leads to Leon being suspended, and inadvertently starting a school-wide debate on censorship. And pissing off his fundamentalist teacher while he's at it. Not bad for a thirteen year old.

4. Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer



It's a series about a preteen supervillain. How could I not recommend it? It's also hilarious, but I probably didn't need to tell you that.

5. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald



Maybe you'd expect to see this on a Ravenclaw list, but I have to disagree -- the cynical outlook on ambition and where it can lead is too much for it not to be on this one. Take it not as an anti-ambition tale, but an anti-ambition-for-the-wrong-reasons tale. (Kids, don't become a super-rich bootlegger just to impress a girl. Become a super-rich bootlegger for you. It's self-care.)

6. A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket



These are probably some of the most morbid, depressing books I've ever read. Hardly anyone can be trusted, and any good person in the series is almost certain to wind up dead. And you never really know all the answers the series raises, either. And I love it for that. These books are also famous for their dark humor and constant wordplay and political commentary -- you'll like them as a kid, then reread them and adore them as an adult. And, hey, the Netflix series is also pretty good!

7. Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn



If you've read this book, you know why it's perfect for a Slytherin. It's dark, it's twisted, and it keeps you guessing all the way up until the very end. I'd say "go read it," but chances are, you already have.

8. The Kind Worth Killing - Peter Swanson



Boy meets girl at an airport. Boy says he'd like to murder his wife. Girl says she can help with that. Changing perspectives, scheming, torrid affairs, entangled pasts, serial killing, and your favorite characters pulling complete 180s ensues.

9. Soul Enchilada - David Macinnis Gill



Bug gets the shock of her life when she finds out that not only did her late grandfather literally sell his soul for a car -- he put up her soul as collateral. (Nice of him, wasn't it?) What follows is a fun, fast-paced romp as Bug and Pesto (car wash employee by day, supernatural immigration officer by night) attempt to find a way out of the contract, and save Bug's soul -- and that of everyone in El Paso.

10. The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde



A classic horror novel, this story follows Dorian Gray, who inadvertently sells his soul for eternal youth and beauty, his portrait reflecting the true ugliness that lies within. It's a cautionary tale about the perils of vanity, and it's just beautifully written. (Of course, it's Oscar Wilde -- who would expect anything different?) It's dark, depressing, and one of my favorite books.
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